An Honest Letter To Myself

by Keelie

Keelie’s Fertility Journey

 

Dear Keelie

This is going to be the hardest letter you’ve ever had to write or read. I’m going to be honest with you, and you’re going to listen to me. You need to. You are an intelligent, kind, funny, loyal and supportive person. You always put everyone else first, you do so much for everyone and always forget about yourself.

 

But sometimes you struggle…

Sometimes it all gets too much. Sometimes you need to take a step back. Sometimes you just need a break. And that time is now!

I don’t know if it’s the build up to Christmas, the amount of responsibilities you’ve taken on with social media, working a full-time night’s job, being a full time mummy, the stresses and strains that come with a marriage… Or a mixture of all of the above. But you’ve can’t do this alone anymore. It’s time to ask for help!

 

I know you’re struggling…

I know the long days and little sleep are getting to you. I know missing Logan’s bedtime routine is upsetting you. I know you’ve been spending more time than you’d like on social media to keep up with your responsibilities, I know you’re struggling to keep up with daily chores at home, I know the mum/worker/blogger life balance is a continual struggle. I know keeping a healthy marriage can be a real struggle at times I know all of this, because I…me…you…feel all of this!

You feel like you can’t talk to anyone, that people will see you as a failure, that people won’t think you’re a good mother, that people will think you’re an awful wife. But you couldn’t be more wrong!

Logan loves you, you are his world and he is yours. No-one could ever take your place. Marriage is hard, it takes work to keep it healthy. The one piece of advice your grandparents gave you was to ‘always work at your marriage, be honest and open’, so it’s time to be honest with yourself too!

 

People want to help you.

They see more of what’s happening than you realise. Let them in, let them help you. Letting people in has never been a strength of yours, you know that. You’ve built yourself up to be this strong, independent woman that doesn’t need help. And that’s great, you should be so proud of yourself for that! But don’t let pride stop you from asking for help when you need it!

I know you’ve already taken steps to help yourself. I know it’s been difficult. You’ve met some amazing women through Instagram and you took a step back from those groups to help you focus without the distractions of your phone. You miss talking to them, they were a massive source of support for you, but you know you need to focus on you for now.

I know you haven’t even told your husband how you’re feeling. You’ve always had the mentality of ‘suck it up and carry on’. But you can’t do that anymore. You’ve done it for far too long and realised you were on verge of a breakdown!

You need to open up, not just to him, but to anyone offering help. Tell him how you’re feeling, be honest. Don’t feel like you have to hide your feelings to make things better You know you aren’t suffering with a mental illness, but you do know what enough is enough. You’ve suffered in silence for too long and all it’s got you is a close call with a breakdown.

You need to listen to me, you need to ask for help! You need to accept help!

Be brave You can do it!

 

Keelie xx

 

 

 

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