How Motherhood Changes You

by Lenka

 

 

How Motherhood Changes You

Seven years ago, my life changed forever when I was offered a job of admin assistant at the hotel company in Central London.  That was all I ever wanted and worked hard for.

A few months later, I got promoted to a marketing assistant, attending marketing training, developing websites and learning more as I had a no clue about any of this. Now I understand what a massive gamble my boss took on me at that time but as he said he felt I had something special in me.

 

I had my son several years later and life changed drastically once again

Maternity leave of 12 months was too long for me and I ended up getting frustrated from not using my potential and continuous talks about breastfeeding and whether my son was going to be an early walker proved to be too much. Of course, he was. My clever Hendrix!

My new boss was kind enough to adjust my working hours slightly so I could cook dinner for my family and put my son to bed. However, after my return to work full time, I realised things were no longer the same. Company expectations and my job had changed and I was not the same person as before. Not to mention comments from some of my dear colleagues about why my hours had changed and how much weight I lost.

Daily struggles with childcare arrangements and costs took their toll on me. I still delivered great results at work but inside I was burnt out and not sure how long I could continue like this. But, I had to keep going as money struggles were real.

 

Several months later…

…I was asked to join a start-up apartment company which felt very privileged at that time and consequently was promoted to a Marketing Manager. It took me by a big surprise. Of course, I was working for years towards it but perhaps it was not the right time for me to take such a responsibility on. My workload doubled overnight, I got invited into meetings which required hours of preparation (I did not feel very confident in public speaking and am still struggling with) but somehow people were impressed with my work and bravery to speak up about operational issues.

Several months later into my new role and newfound confidence, I have come to the point where I do not enjoy what I do anymore as I strive the best in a creative environment and try to avoid corporate talks/politics at all costs. I am not sure what my next step will be and feelings of being very ungrateful have been flooding my mind for a few weeks now. Questions such as how come I do not enjoy this fantastic opportunity which fell on me out of the blue? I have got no answers to it.

Whilst I am trying to figure out the childcare arrangements, my possible business venture and other things, I still feel in shock of this massive change which is going to hit me soon. Uncertainty has been keeping me up in the nights. No stable income is something to consider but surely doing something that you love, learning new skills daily and building a business from a scratch are huge privileges which not everybody can do. So to all mothers and female business owners out there who are doing it on their own, I salute you!

To be a superhero, inspiration and role model for my son is something really important to me as all mothers want their children to succeed in life and to be good people.

 

Lenka x