Motherhood CV

by Haley

The Fox Fairies

 

‘Stay at home Mum’, ‘House wife’, ‘Full time Mummy’

The assumptions that these titles conjure up are sometimes less than favourable. ‘You probably sit around watching daytime TV’ … ‘At least you can nap throughout the day’ … ‘It’s all coffee and cake isn’t it?’.

I must admit, before having our baby twins I did not appreciate the complexity of raising children. I can whole-heartedly say that this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Of course, the most delightful, but my goodness it’s hard!  It got me thinking, if I was going to put together a CV for my ‘motherhood’ role, here are the necessary skills:

 

1. I am a magnificent multitasker.

I am able to feed my baby twins and express at the same time, do two loads of laundry, complete the online food shop, entertain both babies using a household appliance, take the babies for a walk in the park, answer the door to the postman (why do they always turn up when it’s pumping time?), do the bath and bed time single-handedly, pay the electricity bill, wrap and send a friend’s birthday present, publish a blog post, update my Instagram AND cook the dinner, ready for when Pete arrives home. Boom.

 

2. My PR skills are second to none.

I can create and maintain small talk with any stranger who takes a sneaky peak into my double pram to see whether I actually have twins. Yes they’re twins. No they’re not identical. Yes we are extremely lucky. No, they’re not double trouble, they’re double delights.

 

3. I’m a people person.

As I walk around Primark trying to find clothes that will compliment my new found mum curves, I am approached like a z list celebrity by a range of people wanting to chat about having twins.

 

4. My problem solving skills are a strength.

I can identify what is causing one baby to cry and entertain the other one at the same time, figure out how to pack a baby’s changing bag whilst covered in poo, locate the best nappy changing areas in an unknown town and pack a double iCandy pram into a fiat 500.

 

5. I am very patient and calm in stressful situations.

In the midst of projectile vomit, poo explosions, screaming twins and the fridge door falling off (yes, this really did happen), I can maintain my composure (wine helps, not going to lie…).

 

6. Mary Poppins has nothing on me.

I can pack 6 nappies, a pack of wet wipes, two flasks of hot water, formula, take away milk, Sudocrem, 2 sleep suits, 2 vests, 2 pairs of spare socks, hand sanitiser, nappy bags, my purse, a hairbrush, muslin cloths, bibs, sterilised bottles and a water bottle all into one rucksack and carry it around for the day. Oh and a spoonful of sugar…

 

7. I can be responsible for and maintain a budget.

Having twins, I can identify which items can be bought second hand, which items they can share, items that we will need in the future and purchase in the sales and live on a minimal food shop to make sure we do not over spend.

 

8. Working under pressure with little or no sleep is essential.

As a new mama, getting your head around how to actually leave the house with you two new humans when you are so painfully sleep deprived seems impossible. When you finally manage it, you’ll only be outdoors for approximately 23 minutes before retreating back home with your screaming ravenous babies (HOW does the next feed come around so quickly?!)

 

9. I can speak a range of languages.

Yes it’s baby language, but I can tell if Francis is wanting cuddles, a nappy change, or his favourite toy…the duster.

 

10. Compassion for other mamas is fundamental.

Now that I have two tiny babies to look after and care for, I can completely appreciate how hard all of you mamas are working to raise your children. Every. Single. Day.

Are there any skills that you have perfected as a mama?

 

Haley x

 

 

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