Mum Friends Are Some Of The Best You Will Find
Friendships in your 30’s – Why My “Mum Friends” are now some of my closest
By the time we hit 30 we expect to have it all sorted right? We fully anticipate having completely well nourished friendships that are solid for life.
We’ve been through the angst, heartbreak and back stabbing of our teenage years. The twenties which- depending on our chosen path- bring an array of new people into our life through the daily grind whether it be work, travel or education. And then the 30s hit- the idealist whispering (or more like screaming if you are anything like me) inside many of us fully believes we will have it all together in every aspect our life.
Carrie Bradshaw showed us the epitome of girl gang all those years ago….I would never have imagined that becoming a mother could connect me with a whole new tribe of like-minded girls that are now my closest friends and that my friendship circle would change again. Where you came from doesn’t matter..Whether you flourished in the 2.4 children home or a single parent background, you are all in this new motherhood village together from the start. They – whoever they are- say it takes a village. And this couldn’t be truer for us Mamas. It’s so fulfilling when new friends enter your life you might never have crossed paths with before.
So why are mum friends some of the best you can have?…..
The Instant Connection
That one thing that connects you from the start…The bond of motherhood. An instant connection. A complete unspoken understanding between you both. You carried an actual human and conquered childbirth. You are pretty much soul mates from the start. When you know, you know..! There may be a brief bit of small talk in that first introduction…but third latte down and you will be sharing birth stories like you have known each other for years.
No conversation is off limits
Haemorrhoid cream recommendations? Nipple pads? Comparing nappy explosions? That Pelvic floor (or lack of)? Not a hint of embarrassment. No topic too deep. No question is too neurotic or personal. You are all in it together and as confused as the other- In disbelief that these topics are now your everyday! Sharing it alongside others makes all the difference in those first few months when everything is so new. Navigating your new Mum life is made so much easier in knowing you have found your tribe to travel alongside you.. sharing the highs, lows and everything in between!
There are no standards in the Mum life game
The hair. The hygiene. The level of effort we put into our appearance. I mean, yes the 24 year old me would be appalled that my hair is not freshly washed and styled to the max on a daily basis, but the 34 year old me? Batiste is my friend and coincidentally about 99% of all the other mothers I know feel the same. No one judges you for that third day wear sweat! We do what we do to survive and leave the house when we can. We learn to lower our expectations about what we can achieve. Some days that will solely be to keep the baby fed and safe …and that is enough, more than enough!
Texting back in 7-10 working days is universally accepted
The mutual understanding that you may have to cancel AGAIN. And that you may not be free to call back for the next 10-15 years.. We carry the load. And it’s a heavy one. So knowing that the pressure is off and you can be honest if you just can’t face that long awaited cinema and drinks date because quite frankly you would be asleep before the trailers finished…I think all of us just “get it” and there is no judgement for saying you just need to look after you first. When you finally do manage to pull together your “Mums gone Wild” date you know that it will be worth the wait, even if it did take 3 years to get there!
Supporting each other in the First Steps for both you and your babe
Being there for one another, raising each other up when all you want to do is fall…You are each others cheerleader. You ride the journey together, reassuring each other along the way. When you start to doubt your ability because you are on your fifth pee (on the carpet..) of the day, when the only food they will consume is beige and novelty shaped…Having someone else in your corner to remind you are doing a great job and that its not just you is a game changer. Believing in yourself and your abilities as a new mum can be tough, talking it through with someone who is going through the same is invaluable and so validating. You will never ever fail when you have your mum squad behind you willing you on.
The Weekly Free therapy!
It can be so hard to find the time to catch up with life long friends…so adding new ones into the mix seems crazy right? Wrong! Those baby groups, the morning coffee catch-ups can be your saviour! The isolation that comes with having a baby can be crippling at times, especially if you don’t have family support. By signing up to classes and groups and meeting other mums, you are making that commitment- you are consciously checking in with one another each week and supporting each other for the long haul. You find yourself making life long connections you never thought possible.
It can be nerve wracking approaching someone new..especially with the hormones of the fourth trimester looming over you. But once you take the first step, you will never look back. You are all catapulted into this new phase of life together.. So plan the first play date and take the leap into your new normal with an amazing Mama Gang by your side.