How Do I Feel About My Family Growing?
I have always said that I wanted three children, right from the get-go
I am one of three myself, so I like the dynamic it brings, and I liked having brothers to play with (and fight with) growing up. We also had a good age gap between the three of us, born in ’88, ’90 and ’92 respectively so we are all quite close in age. It seemed like a no brainer to me that my children would want the same life and have the same type of age gap.
I had my first child back in April 2018 and obviously fell completely in love with her. So much so that when it came around to thinking about baby two, who to have a two-year age gap would need to be born in 2020, I suddenly panicked and was unsure if I even wanted another baby. Why on earth would I want to divide my love and time between two children when my first was pretty perfect thanks.
Still a little voice at the back of my head said, ‘Give it some time, maybe you’ll feel differently in a few months.’ So, I waited for the broody feelings to kick back in again, to feel desperate for a little baby to hold in my arms, but as the months progressed, I realised that I still wasn’t feeling that keen to expand our family.
I considered the possibility that maybe I could change my mind and only have one baby, that she could be an only child. That way we would have more money to spend on her growing up and that she’d have our time and devotion 100%.
Then a friend of mine announced she was pregnant…
…then another, then another and with each announcement I realised that I was getting increasingly jealous of these women who were going to be welcoming a new child into their lives. Perhaps I was ready after all? Then a mum friend bought her 4-day old baby to play group and that was it, suddenly I was desperate for my own little love. Looking at how small this new baby was, the snuffly way she explored her surroundings and how lovingly her older brother looked at her brought back all the broody feelings I’d been looking for.
I spoke to my husband and we agreed that we would start casually trying, as it had taken five months with our first so we didn’t expect it to happen straight away. This would give me time to get used to the idea of having two little ones and we could start saving some money too. Of course, that all went out of the window when we fell pregnant straight away!
I had to very quickly get used to the idea that I was going to be a mum of two and actually I found out I was terrified and really sad about the idea of splitting my time. About three days after I took the pregnancy test, I was dancing around the kitchen with my daughter and I burst into tears because I realised it was never going to be just the two of us again.
Now I am six months pregnant
I am feeling much more at ease with the idea of having two children and am excited to meet the little person growing inside me. I do have the usual apprehensive thoughts that I think all pregnant mums expecting their second have. Will my heart be able to love this new baby with the same ferocity? How will my daughter cope without my full attention? Will they be jealous and act up and dislike the new baby?
I have however been assured by many mums that these are all-natural worries and of course completely unfounded. I definitely feel like it’s not something you know until you are in the situation yourself. Much like it’s impossible to explain to someone who doesn’t have children, just how life changing it is when you have your own.
I am now looking at the best ways to prepare my daughter for the arrival of a new brother or sister. We have taken her to all the scans, and she gets really excited when she sees the baby on the screen. She also has her own little scan picture and if I play the heartbeat she says ‘Baby’ so I’m glad she slightly understands the concept even if I’m not sure that she understands in three months there will be another baby in the house full time. We have also looked at a few books we can get and have enjoyed reading ‘Let’s Talk to Mummy’s Tummy’ by Helen Lacey, as it runs through the pregnancy week by week and shows the baby growing with beautiful illustrations.
Life is going to be a challenge with two children, we’ve got such a good and steady routine with our first that we are going to have complete upheaval once this new baby is here but I am sure that they will fit in to our lives with ease and once they are here it will be like they always were and we will have double the love in our family.