The Power of Women Supporting Women

by Gail

Mumforce

Women Supporting Women

After a recent catch up with a girlfriend, I was met with some unnerving information. I won’t go into details but it really got me questioning the whole “women supporting women” and “eliminate girl hate”

Us women have had it tough, have we not? Constantly fighting to receive equality and rights like we are 2nd rate human beings and we still aren’t even close. We preach that we are all fighting the same fight and should stick together, unfortunately this isn’t always the case. This won’t make happy reading for believers in the sisterhood but with more than half of UK schoolgirls bullied because of their looks it’s something we have to acknowledge.

 

I have always been that friend cheering my gal pals from the side-lines of their life…

… pushing them, praising them and offering a glass of wine and a crooked smile when it doesn’t all go right. I want my friend to succeed, I want them to be happy. It doesn’t mean I want them to have a better life than myself because I honestly believe there is enough “well done’s” to go around everyone.

I’ve seen them fail, make bad decisions (been included in some of those) and seen them at the lowest – heart ripped from their chest, what’s the point in life low. I have been there to see their strength, building everything back up when they thought all was lost.

The women in my life have started businesses, raised wonder children, shown me kindness when I didn’t deserve it and most of all taught me how empowering women can be. I love everyone of them, seeing their vulnerabilities and how they pull it all back is a beautiful and wonderful thing.

I inspire to be like these women, they have shown me empathy, love, helped heal me when I am broken and held me a little longer and tighter when saying goodbye than is socially acceptable. I hope that I am that for them. I believe in the power of women helping women.

 

Sadly, my experience with women hasn’t always been this enlightening

Women can be downright nasty to each other and not even realise they are doing it. This has led me to wonder why some women just hate on some women.

We have all experienced the stare downs, the whispered words of “oh, look WHO’s here?”, we have all seen women use their power of THE BITCH as a weapon to shoot down their fellow female. I guess this goes back to basic natural when women had to their own ways of competing for the most fertile caveman to “rock” (see what I did there…)

When women are put up against each other we start to see all the “unattractive” qualities, their fear, envy, jealousy, suspicion, resentment, rage, anxiety, or lack of self-esteem and confidence. They judge themselves so badly that the only way to correct this is to attack the opponent, it’s a defensive feature to project them from the potential of failing.

Some do it because they can get away with it, it’s for fun, they were bored, find pleasure in spitefulness or because they lack tolerance of other people’s differences suggesting they probably don’t like people that much anyway or it can be simply down to the lack of intrapersonal skills. Triggers can be unconscious, they simply feel threatened.

 

Women are naturally social, we thrive on the “village” we have created around it and the dramas that go with it

Like many, I experienced the hormone induced playground politics which were the breeding ground for girly bitchiness. I was ignored, left out, laughed at by other who’s only goal seemed to be was to belittle, humiliate and undermine me. This started in Primary school and continues this day into my adult life. Mean girls sadly, sometimes turn into mean women. Their behaviour unchallenged they take it into adult life and continue to inflict the nasty on other women, at work, within the family or even in their circle of friends.

Toxic behaviour that has hardly been challenged. Bitchy behaviour is not as clear as bullying is — it’s too hazy to bind as calculated destruction. This behaviour builds an emotional operation, so subtle that you start to think that you are the problem — that you are too sensitive, or too quick to judge, or triggers your insecurities.

 

I’m a sensitive woman

I am more aware of my self, my feelings, emotions, and my body – I can receive hurtful words more deeply, more than some who can brush it off without a second thought.

We aren’t perfect, we can all have those moments of stress where we can unleash the inner bitch on the unexpectant. We as women have so much to juggle in our lives, work, love, family and we struggle to find the time to reflect on the actions of the day. We say things we don’t mean or will regret later on, it can be hard to see the impact of our words at times.

The balance between women and women relationships can be a tricky one, love, hate and all in- between it seems at times impossible to find a balance, but we must recognise it isn’t our fault – some girls just never leave the playground.

 

Gail x