Who am I … ?

by Emma

This Beautiful Chaos

 

Who am I …?

In amongst the chaos, clutter and tears. In baskets of washing, behind windows with smears. Looking back on a decade. How far we have come. Who knew, before you, life had hardly begun. When I wonder who am I.. I know to you I am home.

 

 

I danced into the last decade without a care in the world. Adventure awaited and spun and I twirled. I stumble into this one, out of place and uneasy. I look back wistfully at old me so bright and so breezy. But when I wonder who am I… I know to you I am home.

 

 

Ten years ago I couldn’t keep a plant alive. Now, three tiny humans (& a cat) rely on me to survive. I dreamt a lot about this perfect family but not how I would identify quite what now makes me me. But when I wonder who am I … I know to you I am home.

 

 

The me I once was, young and carefree. In the distance and faint but there, look closely, you’ll see. It feels a lifetime ago 2010. Ten years have since passed. There’s me now and me then. But when I wonder who am I… I know to you I am home.

 

 

The me I once was, young and carefree. In the distance and faint but there, look closely, you’ll see. It feels a lifetime ago 2010. Ten years have since passed. There’s me now and me then. But when I wonder who am I… I know to you I am home.

 

 

My heart walks beside my body as I watch you all grow. Year after year I ask time please to slow. I’m rich in love, lucky beyond measure. My life is bursting with moments to treasure. and when I wonder who am I… I know to you I am home.

 

 

Some days I win. Others I drown. There are highs and there are lows. Major ups, major downs. I’m in the best company but sometimes feel lonely. My doors seem to grow bars for somewhere so homely. But when I wonder who am I … I know to you I am home.

 

 

I’m a teacher, nurse and counsellor. Chauffeur, cook, best friend. It’s consuming and exhausting but dear god I don’t want it to end. This decade has taken me apart and laid my pieces on the floor. Rearranged, put back together.. but with a bigger heart. But when I wonder who am I… I know to you I am home.

 

 

As I look forward to this year I feel the time is now right. To get to know her again. Mrs Breezy. Mrs Bright. Things may have changed. It may take a while. To set my compass straight, to find that girl with that smile. When I feel like a boat out at sea in a storm I know in my heart that to you I am home.

 

 

Emma x